He Never Existed
by iamchaos98
Summary: What if Kensi didn't like Deeks? What if Callen betrayed Deeks? What if everyone never knew the real him? Where would we be right now? Read to find out. Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA
1. Chapter 1

In the end, it was always meant to be. He never really felt at home anywhere. Not as a lawyer, not at LAPD or at NCIS. The catalyst was the way he had been rejected and treated like shit by his own teammates and partner. But the real killer was Kensi. After a near fatal comment from Callen, seeing Kensi everyday was the only way he made it through. Yet it was last night at dinner that sealed his decision. After all the others had been dropping hints that she liked him and she saying that their thing had potential to grow but it seems she was just joking. When he had poured out his heart and soul to her the that night he was hoping for the same in return and certainly not for Kensi to tell him that she had started seeing Jack again after Afghanistan and that maybe it would be better if they weren't partners anymore. But then again he never belonged at NCIS. He had never been anywhere where he hadn't needed to fight tooth and nail to be accepted. Except for one place, a place he called home. That was where he was headed now. A place he was accepted. A place no one knew better than him, because how can you be hated when there was no one to hate you. How could you be hated when you didn't exist? There was no Marty Deeks. He never existed.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Next Day Third POV**

As everyone walked into the bullpen, everyone was in high spirits due to last night's Lakers game, except for Kensi and Deeks' shadow for the week. Her name was Gabi. She was shadowing Deeks so that she could become the new LAPD liaison after Deeks tendered his LAPD resignation to become a NCIS agent. She was the only one who knew what happened last night. She was the only one who could see the emotional stress Deeks was going through. Truth was Deeks really loved Kensi and would do anything for her. Even if it meant distancing himself away from her so that she would be okay. Gabi herself had started to fall for Deeks herself as she found many similarities between themselves. That's why when she arrived at Deeks' house to find that he had left, she immediately set up a video chat with the team to tender her resignation. Gabi was going to go find him. She knew where he was. She knew what he was going through. They were best friends in primary and high school anyway. She knew him better than most other people.

**In the OPS room**

As everyone gathered round the screen for Gabi's video chat thinking it was a message from Deeks to explain his absence, people's thoughts drifted to the way they had been treating Deeks since his shooting. Had they gone too far? Had they hurt him? Suddenly Gabi's face appeared on the screen. Immediately people in the OPS room knew everything was bad. Her expression was one of cold fury. She had a glare that even Hetty couldn't top. "I warned you. I warned you about the possible repercussions but even then you went ahead with your poor, cold and cruel treatment of him. I was just calling to take back my application and tender my resignation from the LAPD. I am going to look for him. I am going to find him and then we are not coming back. I am taking him somewhere where he can heal. Did you know he truly loved you Kensi? Did you know he was abused and has been through more foster homes than you Callen? Yet you had the balls to tell him that he did not belong. Did you know how he felt when you said no one trusts him Sam? You talk about brotherhood but you never put it into practice with Deeks. If this is the type of team you run Hetty, I don't want to be part of it. Even all of you who aren't even part of the team didn't stand up for Deeks. By the way, don't try look for Deeks. Why, because you can't. How do you find someone who doesn't exist?"

**Callen POV**

What have we done? I should've have known what would happen but what does she mean **he doesn't exist?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey**

**I am so sorry. The previous chapters have been edited and if you don't read them you will lose track of the story. I am making a promise to update at least once a week now.**

**Once again I am so sorry and enjoy the story.**

**IAMCHAOS98**

* * *

**Third POV**

It started as a lawyer. Backstabbing seemed to be the norm in this profession. Youngest person to pass the bar, highest mark in the bar exam and the highest success rate in the DA's office, meant nothing to these people. They were just looking to get rich quickly. Never was he accepted, not because he was bad but because he was the BEST.

He left the DA's office for the LAPD as he felt he wasn't helping people to the best of his ability. He was sick of all the politics so he applied to the academy. He moved through the academy at a rapid pace and quickly rose to the rank of Detective in the undercover division. Along the way he made many enemies in the force who were just jealous of his progress. Detective Deeks though became a legend in the force. He was the go to man for the so called "heavy" jobs. The jobs which had the biggest cartels, most dangerous gangs and most life-threatening cults. He alone had sent more than 2000 criminals with just under a hundred of them being dirty cops. Another factor which led to his low popularity among the force. Not many people knew but Deeks had been through more torture and pain that anyone should have to go through. The fact was though, was that Marty was coming to the end of his emotional pain threshold. It was times like these he wished that she was still around. Not just any woman but the woman **(Sherlock anyone)**.The one who knew his past. Not just parts of it but all of it. Every moment, every detail and every feeling. She was the one he never expected to see again. She was the one he fell in love with but fate is cruel. He saw her again. He was hoping to talk to talk to her until he spotted the ring. She wasn't here for him but for someone else. Someone else had her heart. Just another sad betrayal. It was an unknown spot that one Henrietta Lange found him drowning his sorrows for the last time. Giving him hope for a new life and a possible home Deeks accepted her job offer. Sure he gained a new life but by the way he was welcomed onto the team he knew that a home was never going to be found at NCIS. Marty Deeks had been hurt many times but nothing would prepare him for the pain he would go through at the hands of the people at the Office of Special Projects.

His first day was the first sign. The first storm clouds. The cold glares, the harsh comments and cruel teasing. The lack of trust shown by his supposed teammates showed him their real feelings. Yet a lack of trust in a team can prove dangerous and even fatal. Trust. An entity easy to lose and hard to gain. Pain. A feeling he had felt many times before that he could sense it a mile away. Walls. Not walls but an iron fortress. The bang of the gate of the fortress which he called his heart being closed, the clang of the lock on his heart being shut and the feeling of numbness passing through Deeks' body. That in itself was nothing new in the life of Marty Deeks. Yet there was something new. A new line of defence. Humour. He showed himself to be a fool. A comedian. A target. He never showed that he was actually better than them. He never showed his prowess on the undercover side of things. They never knew that he was being groomed to take over from a legend, Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Supposedly trust started to build between Kensi and Deeks until he was shot. Not even saving her seemed to placate the anger of the rest of the team. In the end he just shut them out not even realising how close to death he was. He never knew about the severe reprimanding the team got back at OSP. Never knowing there that there was always two people looking out for him. Jethro Gibbs watched Deeks and made a mental note to have his team treat Deeks better than Lange's. Maybe then he could show Lange the consequences of her team's actions. But there was another. A one James David Deeks. He was the one only very few knew about. Marty knew him and saw him regularly but didn't know his job. After all he did adopt Deeks. He watched as his son's supposed teammates ranted at him as he bled to death till he told a nurse that walking by about the situation. Maybe it was time Director Vance and Henrietta Lange got a visit from their boss.

Pain. Physical and emotional. Maybe, just maybe this was the end of his suffering, the end of Marty Deeks. Yes he could surf in LA but maybe he could be treated better in Washington. That trial run was really looking good at that moment in time. But no, maybe just one more chance and hopefully he wouldn't get burned again. Maybe this time he could fly.

_**I want to fly  
Can you take me far away?  
Give me a star to reach for  
Tell me what it takes  
And I'll go so high  
I'll go so high  
My feet won't touch the ground  
I stitch my wings  
And pull the strings  
I bought these dreams  
That all fall down**_


End file.
